My elder son was running late in shower, which would have made us both late in our morning preparations to drive him to his school bus pickup at the bottom of the road.
I decided to help him with his morning stuff (explaining that I was doing so, because he had been such a good helper around the house lately, and asked how good it felt to have others help him when needed) ; )) That got us back on schedule to leave at 7:15.
Now, feeling on top of my game, as father and provider, teacher and mentor, I locked the door as we stepped outside, and decided to further impress my elder son with my athletic prowess...
I took three running steps when my finely tuned senses deemed it the proper distance and ... jumped into the air, carrying both laptop bag and lunch bag, relying on years of instinct to carry me cleanly through an impressive vault over the entire rock garden where I would land, catlike, on first one lightly planted foot, then on both a few feet in front of the driveway corner.
At first, my plan was justified as I felt my body rising higher and could see that my feet would easily attain the needed height for my Olympic attempt I began to suspect a problem when I suddenly found myself scampering to readjust my feet
as these same finely tuned instincts began to shout " oh ****!! "
I was coming up far short of the distance required and rather than my feet being expertly positioned for landing on the elevated flat area of grass on the far side of the rock garden, I now found myself trying to climb the higher ledge of rocks with my knees.
That failing, my instincts once again shouted " fool, your face is gonna hit the ground!! "" My hands responded to years of training (painful face landings) and shot out to prevent another episode of, at this point, unwanted training in the same crash prevention. My lunch bag, apparently also trying to assist my rock climbing adventure, had a secure hold on the rocks as well; preventing my right hand from reaching it's proper position in front of my face and rather, helped my hand, now held as a tight fist, to be perfectly positioned under the middle of my right rib cage, which my ribs were quite cooperative to land with full weight as I finished my crash landing...
There I was, prone on the ground, with my body dramatically stretched across the width of the rock garden, feet now across the bottom ledge, waist in the middle, and chest at the top ledge of rocks atop my right fist, left hand securely holding keys (stuck in my wrist for good measure. My body resembling some misshapen bridge traversing the miniature canyon which is our one and one half deep rock garden and...
my adoring son, standing there, holding my hat asking, " Dad, are you ok?" LOL
What caused this jump to fail so subtly you may ask?
Was it:
• unexpected wind resistance from my hat as I vaulted?
• un-calculated weight of laptop bag?
• un-calculated weight of the two large fruits in my lunch bag?
• ice forming under the rock elevating their position?
• colder air being denser created more resistance in my horizontal movement?
• perhaps improperly equipping my knees with adequate rock climbing apparel?
I am sure I will find out soon, since I know, my instincts, finely tuned over 40 years of athletic training, will express themselves again ... (as soon as my body stops yelling " what is wrong with you??!! "
by David Cadieux
No comments:
Post a Comment